The Things I Think About at The Bar

After discussion and serious mental deliberation on the subject, I've finally come to understand the differences in the cost for Alcohol. Apparently, there is an unwritten alcoholics rule that states that it's not the actual drunkenness that's affected by expensive alcohol; it's the hangover you have the morning after. Suppose I purchase 10 shots at a bar for 3 dollars each on friday night. By 1 AM Saturday morning I'm properly soused and ready to go to Denny's for breakfast, after which a normal person would fall in the bed, sleep soundly for hours, and wake up with a SPLITTING headache and hangover. Now conversely, if I go to the bar on Friday night and spend 8 dollars per shot on top shelf liquor, I'm STILL soused by the same time and still so incoherent that I can't truly appreciate the dollar-value of my drunken stupor as opposed to the other nights when I drink cheap liquor. However, upon waking Saturday morning, I only now have a mild-earthquake in my head as opposed to the expected Splitting headache. So what have I gained by spending more money on shots? INSURANCE! That's what top shelf liquor is. It's cheap liquor with a comprehensice drunkennes insurance policy. Therefore, if you DO accidentally have an alcoholis accident, your Alcohol insurance will kick in the following morning, saving you the misery experienced by those who can't afford the same insurance policy and were forced to have simply Geico (I Had to make that reference... it was just sitting there waiting to be made.) So the next time your significant other chides you for spending too much money on drinking expensive liquor, you should simply remind them that you care enough to provide yourself with proper health insurance, dental insurance, automotive insurance, life insurance, and now you are also increasing your chances of survival by providing yourself with proper Alcohol Insurance!!! I feel so much better now. Another universal axiom discovered by Gandalf. Ahhhh...