Indepentent business owner by day, pro-bono computer and IT guru in my free time, and restless mental patient by night... I hope you enjoy my insanity as much as I do.
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As always happens with me, I get tied up doing one thing after another and don’t get to post as much as I’d like. I’ve decided to spend the last two nights working on getting photos online from the last 5 major events of the summer thus far. Rather than do my “12-page thing” where I talk on and on and on about every little detail, I’m just going to recap the highlights of each of the events here and let you see the photos for yourself if you’d like.
CompTIA Breakaway 2009
Vegas baby! What else needs to be said, right? CompTIA invited me this year to attend Breakaway in Las Vegas. Amy decided to take off work and fly out there with me, and together we got to experience a lot of “first times” together. First time I’d been to vegas, been to a casino, been on a vacation, gambled, etc. (Seriously, I’ve never taken a vacation really… this was really cool.)
They put us up in the Mirage Hotel and Casino from August 3rd –August 6th. I won’t even go into the horrible US Airways trouble we had… that would set a wrong tone for this post. I’ll just say that the event itself was great. I spent my days going to classes, meeting vendors, making new network connections. Amy spent her days getting nails done, toes done, hair done, trying on $800.00 worth of underwear, just about everything “done” a girl can get done. I got to meet Jenn Pyle in person, my Comptia rep. She’s a really cool person. It was great to see Nancy in person, meet Chris Rue, see Amy Luby from MSPSN again, and just an overall awesome experience. Jeff Bartow will always have a special place in Amy’s heart for making the trip fun for her. She was a little lost amidst the 1100 geeks and he gave her someone to laugh with who wasn’t in geek-network mode all the time… although I do think Jenn almost killed him when he kept making jokes during the governor’s speech!
Wow. Geek Week this year was amazing. This was the third (I think) but the first I’ve ever been able to attend. I really have to thank all the folks that made it possible. You’re all amazing. In short, since I was already going to be in Vegas in August and since Vegas is only 3 hours from Tim, James, Amy L, and Shak, they decided to host Geek Week around my trip, which made it much more possible for me to attend. (Thanks again CompTia for paying for the flights!)
Amy and I hung out at Tim and James’ house from Thurdsday August 6th until Monday August 10th. I had a lot more firsts while I was here. Let me see if I can think of them all:
First time I:
Went to California
Got to swim in the Pacific (that’s three oceans I’ve visited now)
Drove a Mini Cooper (Thanks again Amy!)
Drove the Sunset Strip WAY faster than legally recommended.
Went to an off-broadway production. (I saw Hair with the gang. Thanks again whoever came up with that idea.)
Got to meet all the gang I’ve been gamin with for the last 4 and a half years.
Had… whatever that stuff Tim made for breakfast was.
Hung out with 14 people and MY sexual preference was in the minority! (God, the stories I’ll never tell.)
Went on Vacation with Amy.
Went to the San Diego Zoo
It was an amazing experience I’ll never forget. Thanks so much to all of you who came. It was really nice to meet everyone, especially Guy’s daughter, Serafina. I’ve heard her in the background talking for years now but I’ve never met her until now. She’s an amazingly cute little girl and awfully sweet. (She definitely gets none of that from Guy.)
Warning: There were 4 cameras going non-stop for 4 days, so there are a LOT of pictures from the weekend. I’ve tried to remove as many duplicates and blurry ones as possible, but I might have missed some. If anyone has any they want removed, just let me know as usual… I’ll take them down.
Note to Flickr Friends: I haven’t tagged everyone in them on Flickr, so if anyone wants to help with that, by all means feel free. There’s about 2000 tags that need to be done but it’s taken me two days just to get them all uploaded and sorted out as it is.
Family Reunion:
There’s not a lot to say about a family reunion in the South… it’s basically like Christmas, but hotter. The whole family gets together and we eat lunch, catch up on each other’s lives, take some pictures, then we all head on home. It was great to see everyone, but I wish more had made it. There’s a few I haven’t seen in many years that I’d love to see again, but there’s always next year I guess…
My daughter is in eighth grade this year, but along with two of her classmates she was invited to play with the high school band during marching season. It was so very strange to sit in the bleachers with Michelle, EXACTLY three rows higher than we used to sit all those years ago, and watch my child playing with the high school marching redskins. Talk about nostalgia… wow. She did great and so did the team. Manteo opened the season with a victory over the Currituck Knights, and I got to see Hannah’s first marching performance. Very very cool.
There are a few more, but it’s not special event or anything. Well, at least it’s no more special than any other day I spend with Amy, which is to say it’s always special. Anyway, here’s some pics of what we’ve been up to at the house this summer:
Ok, yeah I tagged this article just for the Google search relevance. Do you know why this Google search brought you here? It brought you here because you’re one of the FSB Admins trying to see what your employees are saying about the bank on Facebook. Yeah yeah, we all know you have a “you can’t talk about the bank on facebook or you’re fired” philosophy. How lame guys! You have an awesome bank and great customer service within your branch locations, but a really really horrible Nazi-esque executive management team. And yes, you know who you are. Go find something better to do than clog up my server logs with traffic. lol. Don’t you have something more… executive to be doing?
I ran across this problem the first time ever tonight, so I thought I’d post the fix here in case it can help anyone else.
Problem:
I just got a new laptop and don’t want that “Owner” account. I’d rather create an account for myself, wife, children, whomever. When I click Create New Account, nothing happens.
Why:
There seems to be a glitch with your administrator permissions on your new account. You ARE an administrator but the system isn’t granting you the priveleges you need to perform certain tasks, such as adding new users.
Fix:
Add the new user account manually. RELAX. It’s EASY! It will take you less than 30 seconds.
How:
Step 1:
Click the Start button. You see that little blank box you can type in? Type this command:
netplwiz
Press Enter
Step 2:
On the following screen, press “Add” to start creating a new user.
Step 3:
Enter the basic user information you want for this user. The only important field is the Username. If you want your user’s folder to be called John’s Documents, then just type John. Hint: to make it easier if you ever do any advanced network sharing, stick to a one-word username. Something like “The really cool computer dude” is just going to annoy you later down the road.
When you’re done, press Next.
Step 4:
Enter the password you want for your new user.
You can choose not to enter a password by just leaving it blank. This means you won’t be prompted to enter your password every time you come back to the computer.
Press Next when done.
Step 5:
Choose your level of access.
If you’re creating this account because you can’t access the Create New Account feature in the first place, then be SURE to choose “Administrator.” This basically means the new account your making has the permission to do whatever it wants to do. Standard User accounts can’t do certain things because of permissions. If you’re creating this account for your younger child or a guest, then you might want to keep it as Standard User. This means advanced computing features will still need your permission.
Press Finish when done.
Now you can log off your computer and log back on as the new user, with all your proper administrative rights restored.
HINT: If, as this article is intended for, you had to do this because you couldn’t perform these actions with your regular admin account, I suggest logging back into the control panel using your new account and DELETE the old owner account you had. You’re never going to use it and it’s broken anyway, so save your computer some headache and get rid of it now.
Hope this guide helps someone. Leave a comment if you found this information useful!
(Let me start this by saying that I don’t believe for one moment that there is an issue about “methodists versus baptists” in any warlike or affronting sense. I chose the title of this article simply because of the Google Search relevance.)
Introduction:
The foundations for me writing this article are too many to list and might would offend some, turning them away from the content and focusing them instead on my personal beliefs. Rather than explain them here I’m just going to begin by saying the discussion has come up lately often between “Flavor 1” and “Flavor 2” of Christianity and rather than speaking out of turn on something I’m not educated in, such as Lutheranism, I’ll just voice my thoughts on the flavors I DO know.
Why this is important to me:
A friend of mine, who recently got saved, was talking to me about Christianity, asking questions, and just generally discussing the concept. (this is before he got saved.) In his questions, he mentioned that he had recently been talking to a person about it, talked to that person’s pastor about it, and he was starting to form opinions on the matter that I felt might solidify into concrete beliefs that just might shape the future of his Christian life. Anyone who is familiar with me knows that I am opinionated anyway, overly much so, and because of that I was hesitant to say anything, but the conviction of my feelings on the matter convinced me to speak up and be sure he understood the true meaning of salvation, of being a Christian, of what it involves, what is expected, etc. As I thought about it I was suddenly worried that if I didn’t take the time to tell him right then what I thought he needed to know, that he might instead accept the other things he was hearing as “gospel” and form a belief structure around them that would be (pardon the phrase) incorrect. If there is one thing you don’t want to get wrong, it’s the eternal status of your immortal soul. God doesn’t give us a do-over. We don’t get to try it again or pick door number three if we get it wrong in our lives. We have the manual (the Bible) and we’re instructed to read it and follow its teachings.
So, it all began with “Well, Tommy, what IS the difference between your religion and Methodists? Oh no.. here we go I thought. The Carolina baptist redneck is going to have to explain christianity and as soon as I mention the word Baptist, all credibility is going to go out the window. The truth is, many people I’ve spoken to stop at the word “Baptist” and start thinking snake-charming, Bible-beating, unorthodox heathen rednecks. This of course offends me.. as it would you were your religious beliefs summarily cast into a melting-pot of others that had so recently come under fire from media in recent decades.
Rather than tell the whole story here, I’m going to instead outline the differences in what I believe and what Methodists believe.
What am I?
I am a fundamental independent Baptist.
What does that mean?
Skipping the entire history lesson, it means two things:
Fundamental: We believe the Bible. All of it. Cover to cover. We believe it is the unadulterated, infallible word of God.
Independent: We are part of no coalition, no group of churches, and our pastors are elected by the congregation and God alone.
These two things separate us from the other flavors of Baptist that have spread throughout recent history.
Why is the distinction important?
The distinction of Fundamental Independent Baptist is important because there are many flavors of the Baptist faith that are so far removed from the original new testament doctrine, that they might as well change their name to Methodist, or some other variation, rather than call themselves Baptists at all.
So, what separates Baptists from Methodists
Doctrinal Discipline:
Methodists: The Methodist religion tends to have a more “loose” translation of the Bible and from that tend to practice some things that baptists wouldn’t.
Baptists: Tend to believe the Bible exactly and without altering the meaning to what they feel is more accepted in modern society. Example: Methodist churches tend to have women preachers, where Baptists usually won’t. They will have women teachers, but not preachers. (This particular practice is something you won’t ever seen in a Fundamental Independent Baptist church, but in recent years has become accepted in some Baptist churches.)
Security of the Believer:
Methodists: Believe you can lose your salvation.
Baptists: Believe in once saved, always saved, often called “Security of the Believer.”
Baptism (the process):
Methodists: practice baptism by immersion, sprinkling, and immersion.
Baptists: practice only immersion.
Baptism: The meaning
Methodists: They baptize ay infancy and then later in life as an adult. They baptize infants to protect them and assure they enter heaven if they die young.
Baptists: Only baptize once and it’s usually only confession youth or adults. They believe a person must know what baptism symbolizes and choose to do it of their own will as a profession of faith. The death of a young child is covered under the idea of the “age of accountability” which is a completely different subject altogether.
Structure:
Methodists: Their preachers are sent from a governing board to direct a church, not elected by the church. They answer to others, to bishops, and to a governing body.
Baptists: Their preachers are usually selected by the congregation; the belief being that God will send them the right man to lead their church and they’ll know it when they’ve found him. (I say usually here because some Baptists are fundamental but not Independent. The “independent” means there is no other governing body over a church except God, meaning no conventions or other affiliations through which practices are outlined or defined.)
A personal thought on preaching differences:
I can’t vouch for this from any reference in scripture or doctrine of either religion, so understand that this is only my experience. Compared to some I’ve experienced much while against others I’ve experienced very little, so take this with a grain of salt. My biggest complaint against some religions (and I include Methodists in this, not as an offront, but only as what seems to be factual based on my experience) is that they only preach God’s Love. I haven’t ever seen anyone come out of a Methodist sermon feeling “talked down to” or scolded, or angered. They tend to preach all the wonderful parts of God and leave out the uncomfortable parts they don’t like. (They are not at all alone in this. Many religions do this same thing, some baptist churches I’ve been to seem to be this way too.)
Baptists (most of ‘em) tend to get the opposite reaction, often being called “Fire and Brimstone” preachers because of the veracity of their sermons. Baptists DO preach God’s love, but it is my understanding that we are to use the Bible as a rule-book, an instruction manual, and if you can spend your entire Christian life without ever learning that you’re doing something wrong, then you’re not hearing ALL of the word of God. You’re not hearing the things you’re doing wrong, not being taught what is right. It’s like taking a test and always making an “A” because they take off the questions that you didn’t like and got wrong.
We all make mistakes, and it has been my experience that Baptist preachers seem much more like a father, and less like a jovial uncle, which is what I tend to relate Methodists to. Everyone likes the jovial uncle. He gives you gifts, tells you what a good boy or girl you are, and pats you on the back for your good deeds. The father figure loves you just as much, but has to be stern when you’ve made mistakes. It is the job of a pastor to teach and to guide and in doing that they are GOING to offend you from time to time. Happens to me all the time. I often get reminded of the things I do that I’m not supposed to do. That’s how it’s supposed to be. If I’m never told it’s wrong, how will I know not to do it? When is the last time YOU got scolded at church? If you’ve never been scolded then you’re not hearing ALL the Bible, just the feel-good parts that people want to share… something to think about I hope.
I was amazed when I started searching this for a friend that the Roman Road wasn’t online in any concise location I could find. So, here is it, for those who want it:
The Roman Road
Romans 3:23
Romans 6:23
Romans 5:8
Romans 10:13
Romans 10:9,10
The Entirety:
Romans 3:23 For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;
Romans 6:23 For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord
Romans 5:8 But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
Romans 10:13 For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Romans 10:9 That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.
Romans 10:10 For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.
What IS the Roman Road?
I am neither a bible scholar nor a preacher, so I’ll lay this out only in the simplest of terms. The roman road is NOT the “way” to salvation, for only God’s grace provides salvation. The roman road is a set of verses set down in the book of Romans in the new testament. The verses provide a roadmap for HOW to be saved; they tell you the things you have to understand, believe, and do to be able to receive the gift of salvation.
Basically they provide you with the most fundamental building blocks required for you to be saved.
Romans 3:23: Understand that we are all sinners and none of us deserve heaven, no matter what we “do.”
Romans 6:23 Understand that we are all bound for hell and only through Christ can salvation be attained.
Romans 5:8 Believe that A) Christ is the holy son of God, perfect in all ways, and that B) He was sent to die as repayment for all the sins we may ever perform in this life on earth.
Romans 10:13 That to receive salvation you have to Ask God for it.
Romans 10:9,10 You have to confess to God all these things and BELIEVE it in your heart. The last verse is a reminder: Your heart HAS to believe it, and your mouth HAS to proclaim it. (Also called the Profession of Faith in some churches.)
Other Reference Material:
If you’re looking for a good bible search engine, check out the following two sites:
KJVBIBLE.NET – Online King James Bible (searchable)
GODSVIEW.COM – Online King James concordance (see every time a word or phrase is mentioned in the bible.)
Author's Note: This isn't really a series or anything, but it is sort of a follow-up on an article I wrote back in May when I first started working on restoring some of my families' tools. If you'd care to read the other article, it can be found here: "A little bit of old, in a little bit of New."
This weekend provided me with a chance to do some more restorations I've been wanting to do for quite awhile now. Amy had to go on a call, leaving me with little to do except piddle around in my garage-workshop, so I decided to start working on some of Daddy's and Papa's tools. I started this time with a Stanley Board Plane, specifically a Bailey #4. I'd never seen the Bailey markings or model number on it because it had been covered with years of sweat and sawdust which had combined into this thick protective layer of gunk that had to be removed before I could even see it was possessed of a model number at all. After completing the task of restoring it and sitting down to write about it on my laptop I decided to do some more research to see if I could date the tool to who owned it, assuming it was first either Dad's or Papa's. Time and the rapidity with which Stanley tool company changed its designs in the early years helped me to surprise myself yet again.
History of the #4 Board Plane
This is a #4 Stanley Plane, sometimes called a Bailey-design plane. Sitting on this bench in today's modern world this is merely a rusty old tool, something most people dont' know how to use at all and those who do would likely prefer to use a modern router or bench planer rather than deal with this old throwback to the days of woodworking-gone-by. Before I tell you about this plane though, you need to know its history.
How the Bailey plane became the Stanley plane
Rather than recap this section, I'm going to quote an article from MIT in its entirety. It's relatively short, but interesting if you're into this sort of thing.
Leonard Bailey was a tool designer in the 19th century, who, working on his own and later for Stanley Rule and Level Co. (now Stanley Tools) , designed Bailey, Victor, and Defiant bench planes, or tools used to smooth the surface of wood. His designs became models for most planes made after mid-1800s.
Bailey started out as a cabinetmaker before becoming a toolmaker in Boston, where he produced innovative bench and block planes, scrapers, and spokeshaves during the 1850s. Bailey's first patent, in 1855, describes a scraper plane with an adjustable cutter. The blade was mounted on a plate that pivoted near the sole of the tool. As the angle changed, the depth of cut changed.
Soon after, Bailey adapted the principle to metal bench planes. He mounted the cutter on a pivoting casting installed between the sides of the metal body. Angling the blade forward simultaneously increased the depth of cut and the mouth opening. Shifting it backward decreased the opening and depth of cut for fine work. Bailey also patented the lever cap that held the blade in place.
Bailey's 1867 patent shows the plane design we are most familiar with today. The plane's cutter moves along a 45 degree bed by means of a forked lever that's activated by a knob. This mechanism was used on both wooden and cast-iron planes. Bailey is also credited with the adjustable frog - the bed on which the cutter rests - and the cap iron, a thin piece of metal with a curved edge that's fastened to the cutter to keep it stiff.
Until May, 1869, Bailey ran his own factory - Bailey, Chaney & Co., which he sold to Stanley Rule and Level Co., giving them the right to manufacture tools under his patents. However, in 1875, after inventor Justus Traut patented the No.110 block plane Stanley had in production for several months, Bailey terminated his contract with Stanley, claiming that sales of the plane cut into his royalties.
Shortly thereafter, he developed the 'Victor' plane line to compete with the Stanley/Bailey planes still in production by Stanley. He fought several unsuccessful patent infringement fights with Stanley and lost a significant battle in 1878 when the Stanley company won a decision against Bailey and the Victor line of planes. The decision resulted in Bailey's sale of the Victor business to the Bailey Wringing Machine Co. of Woonsocket, Rhode Island. He moved there to produce Victor and Defiance planes and tools.
However, in 1880, Stanley took over as the sole agent for Bailey's Victor planes. After a series of patent-infringement suits and charges of industrial espionage, Stanley bought the entire Victor production facility in 1884 and then discontinued the line. (In 1936, Stanley resurrected the Victor name for a few years and applied it to a series of inexpensive homeowner-grade tools.) Bailey, meanwhile, stopped inventing nearly altogether and became a manufacturer of copy presses. Though his ideas are often taken credit for by the Stanley Co., his genius as an innovator is indiminishable.
So now you know why some of the oldest hand planes still left around today are referred to as Bailey planes and why his stamp appears on the front of the sole of the plane.
Timeless craftsmanship in the Bailey line
A little bit of time spent on Google will reveal the Stanley bench plane in the Bailey model is still sold today. Shown here is a modern #4, available for $75.00.
If you look hard you can see "Stanley" embossed on the lever cap, outlined in red paint. This is one of the defining characteristics that helps date the model I have. This embossing wasn't added to Stanley planes until 1925, meaning the one my Dad left me, sans-embossing, predates the 1925 models.
Some further research revealed a few other characteristics that narrowed down the model more precisely. The knob located on the front of the shoe (or bottom) of the plane varies with the year. The basic shape of the shoe planes mine as a Type 11 or Type 12 model. The Type 11 was manufactured from 1910-1918 and possesses a low knob. The Type 12 possesses a high knob and was manufactured between 1918 to 1924.
My #4 has a low, knob, so I was pretty sure it was a Model 11, but the last identifier seals the deal. The brass blade adjustment ring, located in the rear of the plane in front of the handle further classifies the plane. The brass nut on on the model 11 is smaller than 1 1/4 inches and the model 12 is larger. Mine is smaller, so I'm two for two on defining characteristics. This is most definitely a Stanley #4 Bailey-Model bench plane, manufactured between 1910-1918.
Form and Function
There have been hundreds of various types of planes developed over the years. Back in the late 1800's models were manufactured specifically for certain kinds of window-sashes and casements that were in widespread use amongst carpenters. Some of the general classifications of planes include Bench, Smooth, Jack, Fore, Jointer, Jenny, Rabbet, Side Rabbet, Dado, Plow, Tonguing, Chuteboard, Routing, Circular, Chamfer, and others.
The one I'm working with this weekend is a corrugated bench plane, mainly designed for smoothing just prior to sanding, but also suitable for scraping or finishing work.
Passed down again, and again
I'm forced to do a little more Jordan math to determine who this plane originally belonged to, and in doing so I was amazed yet again. Though I know the tool is old I was thinking more along the lines of 50 years or so. Instead this plane is somewhere between 91 to 99 years old this year. I'm assuming a few things when I date this. First, papa wasn't even born yet when this tool was popular and in heavy circulation, so I'm assuming it was passed down from his dad to him. Second, my great-grandfather Jordan was born in 1881 and died in 1946 at 65 years old. He would have been 29 years old when this tool was put on the market, making it supremely likely that this was his tool originally. He would have been old enough to be working on his own and would have needed a plane, or most likely a multitude of them, to do his job. Third, we Jordan men seem to have a knack for buying the best tools for the job, though not necessarily new ones, preferring to rely on solid experience and rugged dependability and suitability over flash and shine. I'm guessing, if my great grandfather was anything like Papa or Dad he would have waited a few years and then bought one of the older models rather than a newer one. I've never been sure why but it's just how all my forefathers seemed to be. So, I'm going to go with the oldest date possible and say this is a 99 year old Stanley plane belonging to my great-grandfather. This makes me the 4th Jordan man to possess and use this tool in almost a century.
It's really kind of awesome to hold it in my hand and feel the nicks and burrs in the wood, to see the splash of green paint and wonder which one of my forefathers left it there. Truly I suspect this was in the shop when Papa and Dad were painting the old green garage we had when I was young, though this would have likely been splashed on it when the first coat of paint was applied, sometime in the 1970s. It's easy to see Papa accidentally splashing a few dots of green paint on it while it sat on the tailgate of his Chevy truck mixing up paint for the garage. (I only assume the green garage because of the unique color of that building. It was truly a horrendous color to trim the building, but that made it also a memorable one, and I'm pretty sure the paint I cleaned from the grips was the same shade.)
Preparing for a new life
Part of me wanted to keep it just like it is and use it on my own woodworking projects, not wanting to remove the memories of its history by sanding them away. Another part of me feels more like cleaning and restoring it is similar to taking the slip cover off Grand-daddy's vintage ford and changing the oil and waxing the paint job before putting her into service again in the hands of a new driver. With this thought I mind began to strip it down and get it ready for cleaning.
The lever cap and plane iron are in rough shape.
The rust is dominant even under the lever cap, all the way down the iron and on the shoe as well.
Looking under the iron reveals old insect nests housed inside the frog.
The frog itself is pretty much rusted over 90% of it's surface, but all the parts still work smoothly.
All the parts diaplayed (minus the screws and fittings). From left to right, (if you care) are the Plane Iron Cap, the Single Plane Iron (the blade removed from the cap), the shoe (or body), the fore and rear rosewood handles, the Lever Cap, and the Frog.
I won't bore you with the details of how the refinishing was done. Basically the parts were placed in a bench vise and attacked vigorously with a variety of wire wheels on a high-speed drill. Mostly all I needed was a 3" fine wheel and a deep bore coarse brush for getting into the cracks and crevasses. Like with the other tools I have started restoring, all the raw iron and steel parts get coated with a generous application of farm tractor paint. Its resilient enough to rebuff minor scratches and keeps the raw materials from being exposed to air where it will just oxidize again quickly if the tools aren't used daily.
Ready for the 4th Generation of Use
The shoe is ready to once again harness its fittings and be put back into daily use.
A fully restored bench plane, ready to go back to work.
This photo shows the beautifully crafted rosewood handle and the polished brass adjustment nut.
Well, that's one more tool down, and a lot more to go. Will write again soon,
Ok, I’m not a fan of Internet Explorer, much less the new horribly unreliable Internet Explorer 8.. *shudders* but I had to share this!
But really… are they so bad off that they have to IMPROVE their standing by resorting to vomit? I mean how bad to you have to be before vomiting is better than what you had before? Hey.. we suck so bad that if we put puke in our ad, and hire spiffy-boy, we can actually increase our downloads!
Can you see the advertising department with this one on their desks? “Ok we need to take back the market from Google and Mozilla and we’re losing.. what haven’t we tried yet? I got it. PUKE! Let’s have this chick vomit all over the place and then talk about how we are better than vomit! I mean, we gotta be better than something right? Vomit is good. We’re better than vomit, right?”
Ok, these are a few that came in email that I had to share. They made me laugh this morning. I hope you will too.
If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'... but it's only a 'penny for your thoughts'? Where's that extra penny going to?
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?
Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough money? Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Whose idea was it to put an “S” in the word 'lisp'?
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, 'It's all right?' Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That really hurt , why don't you watch where you're going?'
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
(June 16th: HOTEL UPDATE - See Bottom of Post) (June 18th: Guest/Food Update - See Bottom of Post) (June 22nd: Guest/Food Update - See Bottom of Post) (June 30th: Guest/Food Update - See Bottom of Post)
Yes, it’s that time of year again and I’ve been very remiss in my duties to get this blog post written and posted before now. I’m forcing myself to take the time now because it’s got to get done if I hope to have a half-decent turnout this year. So, what’s the hubbub? Whaddya think? It’s the annual Scooby “Hey Mama, No Drama, Pig-Slayin’, Birthdayin’, Drink-Drinkin’, Canoe sinkin’, Barbecue Event”
Everyone is invited! Come one come all, come short, come tall, just come! This is my once-a-year non-related family reunion where all my friends, their families, and as many newcomers as we can get can gather together for one day of the summer to hang out, eat good food, and have a good time. It always winds up being a birthday party for at least two people. This year’s official party people are Mom and Amy. (No, you don’t have to bring gifts. Showing up is all we’re asking.. though I’m sure the party girls won’t turn them down if you do! lol)
Bashes from the Past:
If you’d like to experience a recap of years past and see what it’s all about, check out these links:
Pre-Event Hangout: Friday Night July 3rd for any guys or gals who just want to get out of town and hang out while we prep for the big event.
Main Event: Saturday July 4th, 2009 starting at 11AM until… We will be making a group trip over to Manteo in the evening to watch the 4th of July fireworks, so you are welcome to stay all day and into the night!
Where:
Mom’s house in Manns Harbor North Carolina. You can visit any of the posts from previous years to see what we’re gonna do but it’s a half acre of grassy lawn right on the water. We’ll have the volleyball net up and things for the kids to do and we’ll have the tents and pavillions up so the adults can get outta the sun. There will be canoes and stuff to do in the water for kids of all ages, plenty of space to sit back and relax, a good crowd of friends and family, and more. I don’t know how much more yet, but I’ll post it as I come up with the plans.
What are the Rules?
To keep this a fun event for all involved we kind of separate the day into two parts. Anyone wanting to do some serious drinking is welcome to do so before Saturday morning, and on Saturday night. Since we try to keep this a family-style affair, I do ask that you keep your wits about you during the main event on Saturday.
Drinking is perfectly fine, just be level headed and don't get obnoxious. From about 11 AM until 6 PM on Saturday is likely to be filled with family, some younger children, etc and I want them to have a good time too and feel like they can bring their families the next year. In all the years we've been doing this, we've never had anyone get out of hand but I feel better if I say it up-front. Anyone that gets obnoxious gets ejected from the event via slip-n-slide!
Pets: Lots of us have pets and mom has a big yard, so a reasonable amount of pets are acceptable. If you want to bring your dogs, just be aware that when the food is served they will need to be staked, or roped up in the back yard so as not to cause a mess while we're trying to eat. Other than that they can be loose all day as long as they’re behaved.
Other than that, just don't trash my mom’s yard. Clean up behind yourself, keep the cigarette butts and trash off the grass and put where it belongs, and don’t break anything you can’t afford to repair. That’s about it. lol.
What do I need to Bring:
I'm just going to come out and say it this year. Bring either food, or cash, but be sure you’re on the list for one of those mentioned. If you’re NOT on the list for something, bring cash! Supplies are great and welcomed, but food for 40 or 50 is expensive. We’re not asking for anything outrageous. Donations of ten dollars per adult should cover it for those who aren’t bringing food items and you’d spend that at Wendy’s anyway! Last year was an absolute blast, but it was a lot of expense on the shoulders of a few. This year I’d like it to be a little more fair for everyone involved. If you want to give more, by all means do.
I'm going to provide the pig and the cooker (thanks to Jody Griffin each year for the use of his cooker!) The rest of you will be asked to fill out one or more of the items from the menu or to bring a cash donation to help those out who contributed. Done right, this can be a WHOLE lot of fun for really little expense.
The menu and requested items are listed below. I'll update this as we go, so check back often.
If you would like to contribute something from the menu, please leave a comment on this post and I'll update the menu with your preference. (The menu items are first come first serve, so make your plans now if you want to bring a dish or something from the list.)
Requested Menu Items:
The following items are what we’re planning on having. You’ll notice that beer is BYOB, but otherwise we’d like people to pick something from the list below. If you have some awesome recipe for something you’d like to add, email me and let me know and I’ll be sure we have room for it. We’re always up for new cool stuff, but we had WAY more food last year than any 40 people could eat in a week, so we want to be careful about that this year.
Item
Quantity Needed
Person Responsible
100 Lb Pig
1
Tommy
Yellow Corn (in the husk)
Potato Salad
1 (Big)
Chris Comeau
Hush Puppies
1
Amy Jean
Baked Beans
1
Lori Smith
Deviled Eggs
2
Mom
Bags of Chips & Dip
2
Bags of Chips & Dip
2
Ice
40-60 lbs
Pasta Salad
2
Veggie Tray w/dressing
2
BBQ Bread
3
Tommy
Bread & Rolls
TBD
Cole Slaw
1
Banana Pudding
1
Michelle (Via Hannah)?
Honeydew/Cantaloupe
2
Mom
Watermelon
2
Hot Dogs & Rolls
2 packs
Brownies
1
Mom
Blueberry Crunch
1
Amy Jean
Macaroni & Cheese
1
Lori Smith
Green Beans
1
Lori Smith
12 PK Sodas (Mixed)
3
Zack Harrell
12 PK Sodas (Mixed)
3
12 PK Diet Sodas (Mixed)
2
I forget something???
Email me…
Supplies Needed:
I’m breaking the supplies out separate this year because I don’t have Raymond to help me out like I usually do with the physical setup of some of this stuff. So, if anyone wants to volunteer some stuff, I’d love the assistance.
Item
Quantity Needed
Person Responsible
Pig Cooker
1
Tommy/Timmy Midgett
Buffet Tables
3 or 4
Mom (Maybe)
Chairs
Coolers
4
Pavillion / Tent
1
Tim
Pavillion / Tent
1
Mom
Canoes
3/4
Tommy/Melvin
Paper Plates, etc
Mom
Boat for Skiing? etc…
Any will do nicely!
Ivy, Reese?
Who’s Attending?
Now comes the hard part.. the guest list. I’m going to put this out there with the same caveat that I always do. I’m GOING to forget someone… I always do. PLEASE don’t be offended… just email me and remind me and say ‘HEY! I wanna come” and I’ll put your name down. I’m putting the invite to a few through different networks this year so their names won’t appear unless they respond from Facebook or whatever, so please just let me know if you think I forgot anyone. Mainly I NEED a head count as soon as possible so I know how much pig to get and how many hotel rooms to try to get if we need to get some.
I’m going to use the same list format I did last year because that made it pretty easy to keep track of everyone.
BOLD RED = Confirmed Plain Black = Listed but hasn’t responded yet. Green = Can’t make it.
# of People
Name
Notes
1
Mom (Brenda Outlaw)
2
Tommy & Amy
2
Josh, Hannah
(Kids)
1
Janet
2
Sylvia & John
2
Michelle & Shawn and family
(with kids?)
1
Patricia Bush
2
Allen & Jarrett
3
Doc & Bridget Holliday
(with Lucas?)
1
Priscilla Holliday
2
Mark and Marion Waters
1
Wess Ellingson
2
Chris Comeau & Guest
2
Tim and Clair Pendergrass
1
Joe Torrance
3
Lori Smith
2
Katie Evans & Lynda
2
Reese & Debbi
4
Jodi, Wife, and kids
3
Nicole and Lee
4
Bill and Scarlette and family
1
Tom Robbins
2
Amanda & Josh
2
Lauren and Chris
2
Zack & Betty
2
Patrick & Amy
2
Jeff & Gail Boyd
2
Eddie Burkett & Guest
Extra Information:
Due to the new laws on the beach we can’t do night driving like we used to, so I’m trying to decide what would be the most fun for an evening event. We’ve got the fireworks that night in Manteo, and anyone who wants to hang out on the docks at my house can watch fireworks from 5 towns all from one spot without leaving the yard. We have the option for a late night bonfire in the back yard, but I’m trying to decide if that’s going to be fun in the middle of July or not… thoughts on the matter?
If enough people want to stay over until Sunday we’ll probably do something on Sunday but I’m playing it by ear at this point. Anyone who would like to stay down on the beach and needs a room can get one, but I need to know WELL in advance so I can ask the hotel. Mom gets us a great rate at the Duke of Dare in manteo each year, but since it’s july 4th, I’m not sure about the availability. I’m also going to be checking with George and Judy to see if we can get the house next door. If it’s not rented then we’ll have rooms there available also. I’ll post more details as I know more but just let me know if you are looking to stay overnight and want me to help get your accommodations settled.
That’s all for now. I’ve got the menu, the supplies, and the guest list. That’s not too bad for one day’s work. Now I’m off to go email all one-hundred of you guys.
JUNE 16, 2009 - HOTEL UPDATE
Mom has talked to the hotel (Which shall remain nameless because they’re giving us a really good rate). If you need hotel accommodations, please let me know and I’ll get you the name of the hotel.
Anyway, the rates are as follows:
No Pets
Single Queen Bed Room - $58.30 per night.
Double Queen Beds Room - $77.50 per night.
I need a confirmed head count NO LATER THAN SATURDAY the 20th. Mom can make the reservations on the 21st for us and you won’t have to pay until you get there. Since this is July 4th, we’re lucky to get rooms at all, but these guys love Mom, so we’re getting taken care of pretty well. Please don’t hesitate to call or email me with questions about the hotel any time between now and Saturday.
JUNE 18, 2009 – Guest List/Food
Thanks for the updates guys. I’ve heard back from quite a few of you so far. Just as a FYI, be sure to watch the menu for updates. I’ve heard back from a few of you who are bringing/cooking stuff so I’m updating the menu as I go. I’ve got the cooker secured, the pig ordered, and now I’m down to confirming the guest list and the entertainment. I’ve got canoes and stuff and I already setup the volleyball net for the year again, so that’s handled. Now I’m down to other fun stuff to do. Anyone got any fun stuff they wanna bring down? Yard sports, water sport stuff, etc. All ideas are welcome!
Back to work!
JUNE 22, 2009 – Guest List/Food Update
I just had some more updates to the menu and the guest list to make. Remember, today is the LAST day to let me know who needs hotels and for what nights.
JUNE 30, 2009 – Guest List/Food Update
Seems like things are coming together quite well. I’ve updated the food and guest list accordingly. Notice we lost someone to bring veggie trays, so those are open to whomever wants to handle it. We still need the menu filled out a little more completely if anyone feels particularly helpful.
I started this blog with a group of friends as a way to keep in touch when I went overseas, a place to share good ideas and jokes, and a place to just hang out online. Over the years, I've started writing how-to posts for people who have asked how to do things on their computer. Later, I started sharing my pictures and thoughts about my work in Libya. Before too long I had visitors from all over the world reading, linking, and visiting often.
Today most of my time is spent on business and researching the ever-changing trends of the managed services marketplace. I'll still try to post updates as often as I can. I hope you enjoy your visit here.
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