Monday, July 03, 2006

My first down day....

Well, I knew it was going to happen, and thankfully, it took a while before it did, but I am now experiencing my first really down day. I don't know if it's that I'm homesick, moody, or just tired, but it's put me in a introspective mood. I sit here, as the team has left to travel with some equipment to one of our other locations, perusing my Myspace friends' pages.... reminiscing, yet wondering.... When did everything change? Who now are my REAL friends, or just friends from a life I once lived? I have a lot of wonderful friends, the Scoobies, and I thank God, and Tommy, everyday for the opportunity to have met you and gotten to know you. But I question some of MY friends, the people I used to consider BFF's, and how that changed. (Bridget, this reflection does not include you. Through it all you have been right there, even though we have our ups and downs, that has NEVER changed.) Life was so different then, carefree; having responsibilities, but still having the freedom to goof off.... now, it's nothing like that. At this moment I sit in an office building in Tripoli, Libya, well over 5000 miles and an ocean away from home. Life in Greenville is just a memory at this point, seeming to me to have stopped in time.... Only it hasn't. Everyone that is still there is going on with their lives, living their days as they planned. Part of me is still in awe with the fact that I AM a long way from home, and have had an opportunity unlike any other! But another part of me is distraught with the fact that I'm not home, living a more carefree life like I did just a few years ago.... Going out on the boat with my friends, laying by the pool whenever the mood struck, going out on the town ANY given night of the week. Wow, that seems like lifetimes ago!! Was that who I am, is this who I am now, who/what/where do I want to be?? Don't get me wrong, it's definitely interesting here, I'm getting the opportunity to not only experience a foreign country and culture, but in a big city atmosphere. The closest thing I can liken this to at home is NYC. No matter where I look in the city (away from the coast that is), the city seems to stretch on into the horizon.... like it never ends. I would have to stay here for at least a year in order to take in the WHOLE city, right now we're only in a small portion of it. I just wish I had someone here to share it with.... Yes, I know Tommy will be joining me soon, but damnit, it's not soon enough! I am glad I've been able to do this alone for a portion of it, to prove to myself and anyone else that I can handle anything thrown at me, but I'm really lonely now, having no way to talk about my feelings, questions, anything introspective in any way. The guys here now are great, and they make sure to keep an eye on me and keep me included, but they're not my friends, they're coworkers, not someone I feel comfortable sharing with. I already have one strike against me being Tommy's girlfriend, I'm trying to prove myself without being a sniffly, whiny, woman. (Yes I know, that's horrible, but hey, it's been a man's world here, I have to attempt to fit in in order to get along with everyone.) I also feel secluded from the outside world, partly because the only internet access I have at the moment is while I'm at work, and it costs me 30 dinar for a 20 min. phone call to the states!! ($1 U.S. is equal to 1.32 dinar.... you do the math.) I know Tommy tries to get through, but cell phone service here SUCKS, so he rarely does. I thank you Bridget for calling that time, you have no idea how much that meant to me. I'm also 6 hours ahead of everyone, so when you'd usually think to call me I'm fast asleep, since it's around midnight here when some of you get home from work. I guess all this whining is just my way of releasing my thoughts, since this is the ONLY place I feel comfortable enough to do that. I don't always feel this way, just right now in particular, and I know it will go away soon (especially since Tommy should hopefully be here SOON!!!), but it's here now, and I have to deal with it. I know I may not make any sense, and that's ok, this is more a way to release my thoughts than try to explain them. I just want to ask EVERYONE, anyone that happens to read this, call me, email me, catch me on Yahoo, or Myspace, whatever, but damnit TALK TO ME! I miss y'all, and the only way I can keep in touch is if you reciprocate. Please?? Ok, enough of that, one funny comment I have to share, I was hit on by a cabbie last night, he invited me to have dinner at his house, his mother is supposed to be an amazing cook.... but after telling Tommy he told me that this guys is supposed to have a girlfriend in Cali..... of course I just laughed and politely declined. He did give us a free cab ride though.... ;) Also, Bridg, girl, you would love the stores here!! The women wear either very classy (Jackie O kinda business outfits), or CLUBWEAR underneath their shawls/long dresses they wear out in public! And shops, boy it will take me almost a month to get through them all!!! Tommy is definitely gonna have his hands full!! ;) LOL!

5 comments:

  1. Hey Little Lady,
    I miss you sooo much! I have tried to call you several times, early mornings, lunch time and break times but I just can't get anything but busy signal.
    I wish you could have been here for the reunion, yesterday,Beth Knox was there with her daughter-she is a cutie, and her husband. Did you know that she lives in Greenville, now?
    Aunt Lorraine came down with a cousin I did not even know. She is staying with Granddaddy this whole week.
    Grandmamma was in the hospital last week with angina. She went in Sunday night and came home Wednesday. She was not up to going to the reunion.
    There was no where near as many people there this year. It may have been because the 4th falls on Tuesday this year. I know I had to go back to work today, and I have tomorrow off.
    I saw Jody Andrews at DMC and told him where you are and he said to tell you he is soooo jealous! He said he can't find a way out of Martin County. Mr. George James said to tell you, he is so proud of you. He knew you would go far, in your life, but not so far!!!
    I have not heard from Tommy does he know when he will be leaving. I hope for both of your sakes it will be soon.
    I Love you, and think of you often, and I, too, am jealous, but I also know how you feel so cut off from everyone and everything. I will try to do better at keeping in touch with you.
    Love You Lots!!!!
    Mama

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  2. Hey April - I am sorry that I have not contacted you before this. I think of you often and pray for you. I have read your blog and am so glad you are adjusting and enjoying yourself.I spent last weekend with TJ and had a great time. He carried me to Daytona's and that was an EXPERIENCE! I know he is on his way now and just counting the hours until he sees you again. I hope you enjoy your time together - you are having a great experience and I hope you rack up a whole lot of memories. Stay safe and enjoy yourself.
    Love you,
    Brenda

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