Monday, July 03, 2006
Are we there yet?
No.. really.. if you know me, that's the perfect title! No, unfortunately I'm not in Africa yet. I've been meaning to write to you all for days now. I know the blog has visitors more frequently these days and in the interest of keeping them coming to the site, I should post more often. It's just been a really long boring month. April ( my beloved better half) has been in Africa for 4 weeks now. I missed her birthday this year because I was in africa, and now she's missed mine because she was in africa and I'm stuck here. Additionally, I'm gonna miss July 4th with her this year. So, that's what I've been up to.. missing her. Yea yea yea, I've still gone out and had a good time with my friends. I'm not going to say that I've been moping around the house for a month, wearing bedroom slippers and a robe and drinking dry gin with ritz crackers or anything... it's just lonely here without her. And it' s harder this time because she doesn't have the "influence" I have as the boss, so she can't very well demand better accomodations or high-speed internet, or any of those other thigns that make communications with home easier. She's being well taken care of over there, I know that, but damnit, this was supposed to be something we did together. How many men would have been blessed enough to be able to take their wonderful girlfriend overseas and show her a foreign country for the first time. Having spent three straight months there, I learned to adapt very well and to get familiar with things that I wanted to share with her. I wanted her to be able to share them with me because I remember how badly I wanted to share them with her.. and I couldn't with her over in the states. Every little thing she does alone over there is one thing that I can't be the one to share it with... which really sucks. (Yes, I know some of you think I have a better vocabulary than that, so we'll say that it "really creates vacuous space!" How's that for proper grammar?) The one thing that I AM slightly glad for is that she got to spend enough time over there alone to hit the "introspective point"... see her post below. I remember when that hit me over there. If you've never left home like this, then you can't really understand where I'm coming from, but it's as if you've left your "self" in the United States and only part of you has traveled to another country. You are bereft of all familiar surroundings, emancipated from your traditional routines, unable to facilitate even the most mundane of things that you used to consider normal, etc. Overall, it's a very "separate" feeling. I remember being there and thinking what people here were doing. I knew that Marisa was feeding her dog and going to work each morning. Todd was going to work each day. April was bartending, and hanging out with friends, or playing computer games. It seems to you that you are very easily able to analyze your "prior" life because you have been removed from it long enough to get past the cravings... as if your routine were a drug and you are just recovering from that heady, fuzzy part of life when the cravings are just starting to subside and you stop and ask yourself "do I really want this" about all kinds of aspect of your life. Overall, it's probably a good experience for her to get this time. I know I wouldn't have got it if she were there, because she's the single thing my life revolves around most all the time. We wake together, work together, hang out together, eat together, play together, and go to sleep each night together. With each other being such a significant part of the other, we would neither have reached this point if we were there together. I know for me, it taught me a lot of things about myself. It taught me how I want to live my life, gave me time to realize some of the things I wanted in life without being surrounded by the clutter of my normal life. To put it into perspective, imagine the stars as your dreams. When you're IN the city, under the lights, they are only vague points of light, each occluding the other in the sky that is your life's canvass. But when you remove yourself from all that and REALLY get away.. to the quiet... the dark... each star looks different. You see them without the haze of lights blanching the stratosphere. You see them clearly and you can understand them in a way you couldn't before. At least I hope that's a little of what she's feeling. If she's going to be there alone without me, I hope she learns something about WHO she is.. and what she wants. I also hope she knows that I want to be there with her so terribly bad. I would pull every star from the sky if there were even a small chance that any one of them held the secret to getting me there faster. Ok.. I'm not going to mope and pout on here all night, and I refuse to be Mush-Man for all the world to see. Its enough that I know it.. now all of you do too... lol.. so no "aww" comments please. Just take the thoughts for what they are and keep reading. See, this is why I don't write. I was in the middle of all that introspection and personal release and then the phone rang. It was Bridget calling to say hey. That small 20 seconds completely changed my motivation. THIS is why I don't write. Breakign my motivation lately is so easy that often I don't even get started on a post. Not your fault, Fridget... just a quirk of my personality. I'll just start on another subject and see where it takes me. So, I guess I should tell you all what I've been up to. The truth is, nothing much. I went to fayetteville to see Doc for a day earlier in the month and we went out to the Palamino together. Then we came to Greenville again for the weekend. Since then I've been home mostly. In the days directly prior, and since my birthday (June 24th), I've spent a lot of time hanging out with Mom, Bridget, and her friend Melissa. Not that she's not my friend I suppose, but I don't really know her that well yet. Anyway, these three ladies kept me company most of the weekend and made it much more bearable. Mom wanted a weekend away from home, so she came to spend the weekend with me and get some "chill" time as she calls it. We hung out in the house, watched movies together, talked a lot, stuff like that. Bridget brought up the idea of going to a Karaoke bar Sat night and it's not far from home, so we went to Daytona's for awhile. Mom's never been and I figured she deserved a night out on the town. It also gave me a chance to throw on my Duds and "cowboy up" since I haven't had a reason in quite a while. Living the international corporate life has severly impacted the amount of time I spend in a cowboy hat. Bridget and Melissa sang songs all night and I even got up there once, in a crowd of four... not solo. I can't sing. Anyone that tells you different just wants to see you tortured by my voice. Hell, even my mother was saying "NO Girls.. really.. he can't. He can't carry a tune in a bucket. Don't let him get up there! No!" (Id' like to say "thank mom... I think..." Since you couldn't be here to share in the experience, I'll post a few shots from that night here and you can see for yourself. This is me and Mom at Daytona's. Bridget gets on stage for her first song.. and I forgot what it was (dont' yell Fridget). And here is Melissa doing hers. It was supposed to be "strawberry wine" but she recovered very well when the DJ put on the wrong song. Instead, she sang "I shaved my legs for this"... I think that was it. Later, good ol Wess and I hung out some more. He was there taking pictures for the Magazine that night, so we got some good shots thanks to him. See? Yeah.. that's me and Wess singing.. actually he stepped away for a moment to get the other mic, so I raised my arm to let him out. I'm not actually drunk-saluting the bar. I wish I could remember what this song was.. cause he was belting it out! I think I'm gonna start a montage to my Mom in hats.. lol. I keep getting her to put on random hats of mine and catching her in a photo opportunity! I'm quite sure she'll hate this one, but that's ok. She loves me anyway. And besides, now she looks like that "outlaw" that she is! I'll post the full photo collection on my photo site at a later date so you can see all of them. I'm sure somewhere in there is at least ONE of me with my arms around the girls. I have to attempt to get at least one when I go out to maintain my illusion of youth and charm. What else have we done? Oh yeah. I cooked ALL weekend. That part was great. This was the only two days where I've felt like my old self. Sad that it took three people and a lot of food to do it, but that's what I always used to do. Every weekend at my house was a barbeque and a cookout.. I did that for years and I got to relive a little of it this weekend. Mom brought up some fresh tuna for me to cook so I started Saturday with hanburgers on the grill with fresh grilled corn on the cob and salad. Then I took the girls tothe pool and got some sun, which I drastically needed. And to wrap up the night, I marinated tuna and cooked that on the grill with corn, pasta salad, house salad... god it was good. I love to cook. I'm not going to say I'm necessarily great at it, but I loved nothign more than blaring country music off my deck with a cold coke on the bar, a cigarette in one hand, and grill tongs in the other. I was right at home. It's been a long time since we've done that. Well, there you have it.. my thoughts, my ramblings, and my weekend. I'd love to post more but I seem to get lectures lately for posting blogs that take half an hour to read and arent' all that interesting. On a final note, I'm sorry Ms Cathy for not keeping you better informed of my plans. I just have had people asking me for weeks and weeks and I still don't know anything at this point. Give me a call later in the week and I'll update you on what I know. April, Honey, know that I love you, cherish you, and miss you like crazy. For once, I dont' wish you were here... lol.. I wish I was THERE instead. Hopefully, I'll be there by the end of the week. I hope you guys have a good 4th over there. Drink a Beck's with Chris for me. Everyone else: As always, thanks for taking a moment to read my blog and to see what I'm up to. Feel free to comment, post, or otherwise crack jokes. Love you all. Me.