2:21 AM - Can't Sleep

Yes, it's the middle of the morning and I'm wide awake. I'm sitting here at the computer, typing through a haze of cigarette smoke, squinting at the bright glare of the screen to my darkness-adjusted eyes, waiting for them to start to want to close on their own. I have been repeating this procedure in varying forms for over an hour now, each with no more success than the other, no matter the myriad of positions I shift to in search of that perfect comfort spot that will sink me into a dreamless sleep.

Most of you are asleep in your beds now, curled around your loved one or your pillow, your cat, or even your own sheets. I think I need water. I'll return in a moment.

I've been thinking of Tripoli lately, remembering snatches of moments of the beauty. That's what happens to people you know? You remember the good things. I know what the weather would be like right now, what the restaurants would be serving, how the taste of the italian cuisine is so much better for being made by real italians with fresh ingredients. I remember the sunrise in the mornings as it climbs lazily over the mediterranean to wake the city in gradual steps from its night of slumber. I remember the sounds of the mosque, heard throughout the city, as I stand downstairs dragging my laptop bah behind me while waiting for my driver to come pick me up. Yes, of course, I'm omitting the nightmare scenarios that plagued my last visit. That's what you do in moments of nostalgia. They only call it nostalgia when you're thinking of good things.

If it wasn't so close to Christmas, I would love to go back. Maybe things will be situated right by January and I can go over again then. Tripoli would be nice in the winter. The climate would be akin to spring here in the states and the city would be free of tourists. It would be me and the locals. I have to say though, that I would much rather visit again and stay in a hotel. My house there is beautiful, but I like being surrounded by the nightlife and the culture you see in the hotels, not to mention that Ahmad, or Mustafa would be only too happy to prepare me a strawberry cocktail at three in the morning, just for the pleasure of watching the funny american stroll through the hotel in slippers and pajama pants. The last time I did that, I'm pretty sure the whole staff had to go to mosque afterwards.

Well, reality is that I'm not there, so I need to start planning my week here in the great US of A. I do have a busy week planned. I'm getting the new company off the ground this month, but at this point I'm keeping it pretty close to the vest until I get my incorporation papers filed. I have clients from the old days begging for work from me to the point that I don't have time to do it all, which is not a bad problem to have. However, I'm always the prudent one and fear of that indomitable lawsuit that "could" be over the horizon makes me hesitant to take on too much until I get incorporated properly.

Well, it's 2:38 in the morning now and I'm no closer to being tired than I was when I started this. This is that nervous kind of energy I get when there is a lot on my mind and it races through my head in loops like runners at a derby, each flashing by in a whiz because I try not to focus on them or I won't ever get any rest. It's not caffiene this time, that's for sure. My evening beverage consisted of water and grape juice. (You'd be proud, Sassenach.) 

I did talk to Dad tonight briefly. He wants me to try to get Hannah and come out sometime around Christmas if I can. I know he wants to see her, and I'm sure she'd like to see him, but as the elder of the paternal units involved in this discussion, you'd think he would have made time to come see her some time in the last ten years. Well, who am I to judge a man on his lauds as a father? I'm not the best one myself. He who lives in a glass house, not withstandint, I guess I'll just stop that rant while I'm ahead.

I think it would be a good idea though. It would give me some bonding time with Hannah and would let her get out to see the rest of her family. I just need to make sure I can afford the trip. Christmas time, especially this year with money as tight as it is, isn't the best time to be planning expensive road-trips to far off places. Now that I think of it, it would really be worth it just to watch her have to drink milk fresh from a cow... That's really gross stuff by the way. If you've managed to suffer this long through life with the terrible FDA burnen of homogenization, I'd suggest you keep it that way. Take it from me; I've had it every way you can take it, and Vitamin D enriched from the cooler section at food lion is the only way to go. I shudder to remember that mess I drank in Libya. Ugh!

While lying in bed, I just finished the latest James Patterson novel, Cross, on audiobook. I was starting Nelson DeMille's "Wildfire" when I decided to get up and totter around the house a little. Cross was a good novel, but I'm not sure where Patterson is heading with the Alex Cross character. He left a blatant invitation for his next novel in the epilogue, so I know the series isn't over yet. So far, for those of you who read James Patterson, Alex Cross has left the NYPD as a detective and has now even left the FBI, in favor and with much pressure from his family, for starting his own practice again as a phychologist. So, I'm assuming this next novel will find Alex Cross taking on his vigilante bad guys from a more personal standpoint, and less of one from the "official" role. We'll see.

I'm not sure what this current novel is about. I know it's a novel, based largely on actual events, that has something to do with a Federal Bureau focused on Anti-terrorism taskforces, specifically iraqi, libyan, and pakistani. I haven't read the paper-book but based on the almost 20 hour unabridged audio book, it seems like I'm in for another long one.

Its 2:51 now and I'm on my third cigarette. I need to stop smoking. Truth is, I enjoy it. Sue me. Actually, don't. Just shut up and know that yes I am aware of all the health reasons, financial reasons, and other reasons why any sane person smokes, however I choose to continue on in my bucking of the system in lieu of going through three months of personal hellish withdrawals where people's lives would be in danger, which would wind me up in jail, which would probably make me start all over again. So see, I'm just saving the judicial system a ride around the wheel with me, that's all.

I REALLY want to take up a hobby here in the states while I have time. I've narrowed it down to something physical; boxing or dancing. I can't decide which. Yes I know they are opposite ends of the spectrum, but what can I say? I'm eclectic. I've always wanted to box, but I'm not sure if I have the desire to learn a skill which really does me no use outside of a fist fight or the ring, and since I dont' intend to contend, then what's the point? Dancing, however is another story. I've always wanted to learn to dance "correctly." I've been considering salsa/merengue lessons, ballroom, swing, or a little of all of them. I've certainly got inordinate amounts of free time, though they're never predictable moments of spatial quantity, but I'm sure I could figure out something if I applied myself to the task.

Well, before I divulge more immasculine thoughts here to the world, I think I'll try to call it a night... again. Hope to see you all tomorrow, or I guess some of you at least.

Bye for now.

Technorati tags: Personal , Africa , Libya , Movie , Dancing , James Patterson , Rants