Monday, May 02, 2005

Flamin needs to vent

My friends who gave me CoH have commented that I spend way too much time playing that game. Like Duh. So my spending time on the computer... or going over to their house to play has caused more tension than what I feel is correct. I thought Drama ended after college but Noooooooooo. It intensifies. sigh. Somy friends are pissy that I play alot... tension there. And I am not even going ANYWHERE close to relationships and my lack of a mate/ boyfriend. On top if it, my students are taking the World History Advanced Placement exam tomorrow. They are NO where close to being ready. Partly it's them but it's also my fault as well. I haven't been able to focus and been really frustrated with their inability to work independently. I realize that they sadly can't read my mind. Then again this year I am so burned with teaching that I really dont want to work. If they don't do well, it comes out of my performance review. ( education in California right now bites... ) The kids just took a national and state test... and I also know that they bombed. We had a vent session post exam.... and they missed some really basic questions. sigh. Stress at work is growing. I know I am in the right career. I might not be paid alot ( I do have 2 BAs and a M.Ed) but I enjoy my job. Except for this year. This year sucks. So I am stressed because I KNOW what they are walking into.. and I know I have not prepared them like I have done in the past. And since my job is so stressed I have taken that out on my friends who play CoH. So I am publically apologizing to Jose, April, Tommy, Mykal, Kris, Drew. Ok, thanks for reading or just skipping over this. Sorry for wasting your bandwidth on my shit.

4 comments:

  1. First off, you are never wasting our time! Everyone needs a chance to vent, and I'm sure you'll let us do so if we need it.

    Secondly, I totally understand getting the slack from your friends. Ours are now doing the same, even the one who bought the game for Tommy. How do you explain it to someone else? How do you tell them the escape it is, I mean, is it really that different from going to a bar and meeting people there, or hiding in your house absorbed in a book, or tv? I mean come on, give me a break! So our lives aren't like your's, who gives a shit! It's the differences between us that make us individuals. Wouldn't life suck if we were all the same?! And besides, I've met some really cool people on the game, some I may never actually get to see in person, but it's close enough. For a couple of hours here or there, we are all together in the same place at the same time. I personally think it's fun! I'm a goober, but it's ok. Tommy and I both enjoy playing, and could really care less what everyone else thinks.

    As for the school issue, I can understand where you are coming from. NC has some of the lowest test scores in the nation, as well as some of the most unintelligent people taking these tests (I guess it comes from being in such a rural area). I have a bff that teaches 2nd grade (and has for 3 yrs) and is going to school to get her Masters, and still questions her career choice every day. It's hard, and it's even harder when you are given limited opportunities for yourself or the students. I wish you the best of luck with that, I don't really know what to say. As far as the students are concerned, do what you think is important for them. Remember back to when you were in their shoes and do what you think you missed out on. I know it's not easy, but do the best you can with what you're given.

    Oh, and as far as the relationship issue, the only thing I can say is to stop looking. The harder you look, the less you'll find, but I know from experience it can fall in your lap when you least expect it as well.

    Don't worry about us, we'll handle anything you can throw at us. And if you stop playing CoH as much, we'll understand that too. Everyone has priorities in life, and certain things do need to be more important than a game, but we'll be here if you need us.

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  2. Ding-a-licious,

    Stop sweating my bandwidth.. lol. That's what this blog is for. If you were ever able to be here and meet these people, youd understand that we have truly managed to integrate some of the most interesting and caring people in the world into one stress-fighting league of extraordinary people, known only amongst themselves as "The Scoobies."

    OK.. that's enough Marvel comic references for one day.

    I'm sorry to hear about your raw deal at school. My primary philosophy in life, after taking on more stress than most 3 people can handle at once, is this:

    If You can't fix it, fuck it.

    I'm not saying don't care don't plan for the future, but don't lag yourself down with things you can't fix. There are enough problems in life that you CAN fin that you can use your lessons from those things you Couldn't fix to apply to those new things.

    As far as CoH, screw 'em. It's a game. I play it because it comprises many of the things I like to do:

    1.) I'm an avid fan of AD&D who doesn't have the time to play any more and that has always sucked. I loved that growing up.

    2.) I love to meet new people and be allowed the free expression of my personality. The character that makes "me" up comes out in my playing and in my interaction with others in the game environment. You have to admit, some of our chat logs are just downright funny!

    3.) It's cheap entertainment. I spend fifteen bucks a month to have a good time. I would otherwise be renting movies from blockbuster, going out to the bar/club, going to a movie, etc. This is just like that. I get to hang out with friends (no mattter how virtual they may be), have a good time, and do something I'm good at.

    Does that mean you should ignore your friends, No. If you're pulling away from your RL friends to play CoH, then yeah, you need to take some time for the others in your life who want to spend time with you, but otherwise... who cares. Enjoy yourself.

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  3. Flamin, believe us all that we understand stress. CoH has been such a boon in my life that if I don't play at least 3 hours a day, my day is really *insert appropriate expletive here*!

    Having been in education, I can understand the frustrations you are encountering. You are right, education in California in pretty bad, especially in some areas of the state. But keep moving your students forward, don't let them become statistics. You do make a difference in their lives, whether you know it or not. It may not be for many years that you see the fruits of your labour. Sometimes, all it takes is a thank you from one student that makes it all the more worthwhile!

    I love it when I see things that affirm educators. They are truly an underappreciated resource in the world, and you, Ms Flamin, are one of those great resources!

    On another note: April and Tommy, I take this opportunity to thank you for your kindness and acceptance of us West Coasters! *hehe*

    Peace from SoCal,
    Shak

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  4. You all rock!! I pasted some of your comments and printed them. They are on my podium at work to remind me that 1/ this is a job. and 2/ my friends are part of the reason why I am semi sane and able to dela with the shit that comes with life. and 3/ How could I give up CoH?? what was I thinking? obviously I needed a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster and a towel. Life is an adventure and if I choose to spend it with y'all on line and my RL friends cant accept that.. then I need more COH friends.
    Muchas for helping me screw my head on... see you on line!!
    Love, the So cal beach bunny

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