Thursday, September 25, 2008

Why I could never be president?


The current price of wheat for export would cost $97.00 per barrel and would be shipped in 60 gallon barrels.


That cost  of the above item would be double for countries who screw us on oil.


Banks who make bad loans would be closed, like every other business and executives would be fined for screwing over the American public knowingly.


If you can’t read out loud the immigration paperwork, in our native language, then you can’t stay. Get back on the boat, raft, dinghy, or floating tire you came here on.


Any government entity (read as president) who promised a 1.5 billion dollar war that ends up costing 12.5 billion per month would be shot for treason and publicly hanged in front of the Supreme Court. If you can’t do basic math, you cant’ be in the White House.


Any senator/congressman/postal worker, or whomever who is no longer a high-paid government employee can pay taxes and social security like the rest of us. He wouldn’t get rewarded for money-grubbing and ass-kissing by a tax-free retirement for the rest of his life. If we vote you out, you obviously suck and therefore we shouldn’t have to pay for you.


Afghanistan would be a place where Afghans are made. It’s very convenient and wouldn’t even require changing the names on maps. It would provide them with a great national product and they would be able to export it to all the countries who need blankets.

The WHO and other American funded aid agencies would be mandated to purchase their blankets from Afghanistan. I’m all about helping other countries prosper.


North Korea would be the world’s largest Wal-Mart, not a country.


PETA wouldn’t exist.


Horses would be perfectly acceptable to use as a meat product as long as countries wanted to buy it by the pound!


Anyone who suggest human milk for ice cream would be summarily shot.


Convicts sentenced to death would live exactly as long as it took for a trained shooter to reload his 45 handgun and would cost the US tax payer approximately .50 cents each.


Nuclear disarmament would be simple: You throw away yours or we throw ours at you until you supply. We have way more than you do, so don’t be stupid. We will happily throw away ours as soon as every other country on the planet empties their pockets for UN Inspectors.


Failure to allow a UN inspector into a premises would be immediate grounds for global warfare, with you as the red blinking dot..


The term “inhumane” would no longer be applied to animals. They exist to feed us. They aren’t HUMAN, so we don’t have to be HUMANe.


  1. Ahahah, afghans. You're right, you wont ever be president with a list like this. But, the states would be far better off if you were.

  2. I agree with 50% of what you say and the other 50% I don't care enough to propose a counter argument. Therefore...... TJ FOR PRESIDENT!!!!!

  3. Quick! Throw your hat in the ring, before Super Tuesday!

  4. You sound like an uneducated asshole. Shooting that laptop proved it.


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