Monday, June 22, 2009

Questions that haunt me:

Ok, these are a few that came in email that I had to share. They made me laugh this morning. I hope you will too.


  • If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting?
  • How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
  • Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'... but it's only a 'penny for your thoughts'?  Where's that extra penny going to?
  • Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
  • Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours?
  • If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
  • Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
  • Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the  ground?
  • Why do doctors leave the room while you change?  They're going to see you naked anyway.
  • Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties'  plural?
  • Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
  • If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why  is there a stupid song about him?
  • If the professor on Gilligan's Island can  make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
  • Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?  They're both dogs!
  • If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
  • If corn oil is made from corn, and  vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
  • If electricity comes from electrons, does  morality come from morons?
  • Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle  Little Star have the same tune?
  • Why did you just try singing the two  songs above?
  • Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
  • Did you ever notice that when you blow in  a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he  sticks his head out the window?
  • Why do we  press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?
  • Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough money?
    Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
  • Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
  • Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? 
  • Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
  • Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
  • Whose idea was  it to put an “S” in the word 'lisp'?
  • If people  evolved from apes, why are there  still apes?
  • Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
  • Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
  • Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
  • Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
  • Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
  • How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
  • When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, 'It's all right?' Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That really hurt , why don't you watch where you're going?'
  • Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
  • In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
  • How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?


1 comment:

  1. I've read most of them before, but I really needed a chuckle. Thanks for posting them.


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