Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Kids Today Have it Easy!

I got this in an email today from a friend and I thought it was cute. With the exception of the microwave, I think I "suffered" through all of these horrible atrocities!

 

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tearswith their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with walkingtwenty-five miles to school every morning ... uphill BOTH ways

yadda, yadda, yadda. I remember promising myself that when I grew up,  there was no way in hell I was going to laya bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!

But now that... I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today.

 

You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, kids today live in Utopia! And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it!

 

I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet . If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!!

 

There was no email!! We had to actually writesomebody a letter .with a pen!

 

Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!

 

There were no MP3's or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself!

 

Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up!

 

We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it! And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was!It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer,a collections agent, you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

 

We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and 'asteroids'. Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

 

When you went to the movie theater there no such thing as stadium seating! All the seats were the same height! If a tall guy or some old broad with a hat sat in front of you and you couldn't see, you were just screwed!

 

Sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 15 channels and there was no on screen menu and no remote control! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel and there was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-bastards!

 

And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up we had to use the stove or go build a frigging fire .. imagine that! If we wanted popcorn, we had to use that stupid Jiffy Pop thing and shake it over the stove forever like an idiot. That's exactly what I'm talking about!

 

You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled. You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980!

 

Regards,

The over 30 Crowd

 

Saturday, March 01, 2008

Buttons, Macgyver, Prom , Amy Poole, Memories, and Hard Work

I don't have long to write this because I have to get working on dinner. I'm cooking barbecue chicken on the grill tonight for Leven's 42nd birthday! (Forteeeeee Twwwooooo: inside joke) It's been a really long week setting up the new shop and I could use the time to hang out with friends, but I couldn't resist making this post before this memory I had falls once again into obscurity.

 

I pulled this little old yellowed tacklebox out of the shed and smiled to myself as I put it on the front seat of the Jeep, remembering some of what was in it and thinking back on those days. Like any kid of a carpenter, I was always saving tools, wires, bolts, nuts, broken tools, and anything else that MacGyver might need to get out of a sticky situation. Sadly, I discovered that I was missing an egg, one roll of duct tape, and a gum wrapper,; these being MacGuyver's most important implements of escape, evasion, and destruction.  (Did you know I actually did that trick with the egg in the radiator one day when I was younger and it worked?)

 

Crap, now I have to digress:

The show opens up with MacGyver stranded in an army camp in some back woods country like Botswana or something, in a need of immediate escape.  He sneaks over to an old army truck and tries to steal it only to discover the radiator has holes in it and it won't start. Not to be deterred, he sneaks around the premises eventually returning with an egg. Whether he bogarted it from the kitchen or a coop I can't remember, and isn't important anyway. What's important is that MacGyver needed an egg and therefore he obtained an egg. Actually he probably needed a radiator, but the egg idea came to him first.

 

Without further harassment from the bad guys he manages to sneak back to the truck, steal a big bucket of water and starts the truck up. The motor gets hot pretty fast since it has no water, so he opens the hood of the truck, pours a little water in to check the heat, and seems satisfied when it burbles back up in his face and emits a jet of steam. He summarily pours in the rest of the water, waits for the water to leak out the holes in the radiator, and then cracks the egg on the radiator rim, pouring the egg into the radiator. As the radiator heats up to boiling the egg is forced to the hole at which point it fries in place, effectively sealing the hole.

 

Seven or Eight years later; here in the real world:

I'm driving my new truck home from the mountains. I have just turned 21 and thanks to my trust fund money I was now the proud owner of a 1984 Toyata Limited, blazing red with two gold stripes, a bed cover, and custom rims. Unfortunately I had decided to see what my new truck could do. I spent most of two days at dad's house running through the mountains and driving across cattle fields with it, jumping every hill I could find. One moment, I'm blazing along through a cow pasture at 60 miles per hour and the next I'm confronted by what looks like a cliff.

 

Did you know cows don't like falling over cliffs? MAYBE I should have wondered as I blazed through a field of cows, dodging bulls and heifers alike, WHY they were no more cattle where I was headed. MAYBE I should have wondered WHY there was no fence on this side of the pasture instead of gleefully slamming the accelerator to the floor. MAYBE I should have looked where I was going before barreling full throttle to the edge of the earth... LITERALLY!

 

If you don't know by now, I'll tell you why there were no catlle on that side of the field. BECAUSE THERE WAS A HUGE FREAKIN CLIFF THERE, PLUNGING A THOUSAND FEET INTO SHALLOW WATER BELOW!

 

As I roared nearer this nice green flatland area, I noticed what appeared to be a dip in the ground. I'm flying as fast as I can, maybe around 45 miles an hour, through this field as it finally dawns on me what that dip is. It's a freakin cliff!  Only as I get closer am I paralyzed by the scene to my left; two beautiful mountaintop pastures, one  slightly more elevated  than the other, separated by twenty or so feet of open air by  the majestic flow of a stream bed that has been cutting away the mountain for thousands of years.

 

Imagery of me slamming the truck into a flying slide while yanking the emergency brake and J-turning into a reverse run flew through my head, followed immediately by thoughts of my truck not quite stopping in time and sliding right off the side of the cliff, followed again by the mental picture of the ass-whipping I'd get if I DID somehow manage to survive wrecking my truck and walking all the way back to dad's house.

 

Thank God for Jerry Reed and the Duke Boys!

Possessing maybe two seconds in which to decide what to do, I chose the only path that I could foresee giving me a chance not to end up in a ball of flame or twisted metal. I screamed at the top of my lungs like a 6 year old girl and slammed both feet on the gas (in case maybe the use of two feet would articulate to the God of cars that watches our for stupid teenagers that I really really wanted to go faster). I remember wishing I had the horn old General Lee had as I flew out into space, tires free-wheeling in the air and the engine screaming as the lack of traction allowed the 4 little cylinders to slam as fast as they could under the red hood of my flying machine, my body lurching forward repeatedly in the seat as if to give myself the extra couple of inches I would need to land on the other side of the ravine.

 

I remember I was airborne long enough for the truck to lean left due to the weight of my body in the drivers seat, gracing me with a view of the stream below and of the grass which was no longer beneath my truck. I was flying, literally, for about twenty or thirty feet. If the other side of that ravine hadn't been significantly lower than the side I launched from I would have summarily face-planted into the side of a mountain at high speed. As it was, I remembered (while trying not to urinate on my new seats) that the Duke Boys never seemed to get banged around that hard when the General Lee did that!

 

I was alive... Stopping the truck in the middle of a green pasture, I got out and walked back to the ravine, my legs giving almost out on me as I looked down at the crazy stupid stunt I'd just somehow survived. I walked back to the truck, popped the hood, and was surprised to find that the engine was not in fact a ball of twisted metal, but seemed in fact no worse for wear.  One of my 8 inch MTX eliminator subwoofers had suffered a crack in the seam when it was thrown into something and was forever damaged, but the rest of me was ok. (Hey Raymond. I still have those speakers.. lol.. and that's where the hole in them came from. I'm 30 years old now, so I guess I can't get into TOO much trouble from mom and dad, so I can say that now.. lol)

Back to Macgyver

The following day I had to go home again, back to the beach, and get back to work. I left dads house early morning planning on a 8 hour drive. Unbeknownst to me, the Gods of Thunder and Racing had implemented a pennance for allowing me to survive the stupidity of the previous day's events. About 100 miles out of the mountains, I noticed the engine was getting hot. I pulled off on the interstate and opened the hood, only to find I was pouring water from my radiator like a fire hydrant stuck in the open position. It was literally pouring from about 4 different spots on my manifold.  I slammed the hood, returned to the truck and turned the heat on high. This bleeds heat off the engine core into the cabin and allows the engine to remain cooler longer. I drove for 50 miles like that. I had to drive for ten minutes with my hazards on and then stop and rest for 30 to allow the truck to cool so I wouldn't blow my engine.

 

What do I see over the horizon but an exit! Thank god.. service station! WRONG! What I was greeted with was a little hole in the wall mom and pop store somewhere west of Asheville North Carolina. As if to further punish me for my sins, the Gods of Nascar had seen fit to make sure this store didn't carry ANYTHING I needed to make a repair on my truck. Guess what I walked out of there with?

 

As much water as I could afford and 1 dozen eggs.....

 

I walked to the front of my truck, popped the hood, and lit a cigarette and waited for the engine to quit ticking enough for me to open the radiator cap. Half an hour later I popped the radiator, started the truck, and revved the engine until the radiator was protesting with spouts of steam Actual water would have been the usual effect but it as yet had none to work with, so it settled for spitting and hissing at me in protest. Glumly, I poured most of 1 gallon of water in the radiator and waited for it to start leaking out the front of the radiator. Two minutes later I crossed my fingers, sent a silent prayer to heaven, and cracked two eggs into my radiator.

 

To my immense elation, I was greeted with the warming scent of fried eggs, which made me hungry but I had spent all my money on water, so I was out of luck on that one for the next 500 miles. Maybe half a minute later I glanced under the front grill and saw this little yellow spot on my radiator.... Fried egg yolk!

 

When I reached the beach, 500 miles later, I was down to three eggs and not much in the way of water, but I was home.

Thanks Macgyver!

 

BACK TO THE ACTUAL STORY

 

So,this box of "tools" had acquired some junk over the years, as well as some memories. When I opened the box up in the shop, I smiled to myself and shook my head at some of the memories conjured by the contents of that box.

 

Here is the inventory of memories I discovered this week:

  1. Plano Tackle Box (because I couldn't afford a real tool box as a kid).
  2. Three spare rubber tires from my modeling days, from a 1957 chevy I never finished putting together.
  3. One roll of fishing line with 1 pack of Eagle Claw hooks, 4 riggers, and 2 weights
  4. My grandfather's nail punch, from his old wood shop.
  5. 4 brown woodscrews no doubt taken from something Dad was working on.
  6. Various modeling paints for painting model cars and airplanes and two paint brushes.
  7. All the blades and saws from the modeling set my grandfather let me have. (Still packed in oil and without rust)
  8. Two Shirt buttons and 1 Cufflink (see below)

High School Memories Uncovered

 

April of 1992, I was a sophomore in high-school and had the wonderful pleasure to date for a short time, a girl who will always remain one of my first true loves. For whatever reason, Amy Poole, who was a junior at the time, a volley ball player, and a 4.0 student was enamored of squeaky, stuttering, little me. Amy was five foot 9 and a half with blonde hair like waves of silk, and legs that ran all the way up to her alabaster chin. lol. She was one of the most beautiful creatures I had ever seen and as her boyfriend I had the honor to take her to prom.

 

16 years later, almost to the week, I find these cuff links in my tool box while cleaning up my storage shed. I remember I got them from David's formal on the Outer Banks and never returned them. I'm not sure WHY I never returned them.. I just didn't. I think I most probably had lost them for awhile and then saved them for some future occasion once I found them again.

 

Since I was missing the other half of the pair and they were tinged with rust, I decided to finally throw them away yesterday, however in losing the objects I gained the memory back afresh. I'm not sure why, but I just wanted to share this part of my memory before I forgot it yet again. One day years from now, I might look back on this photo and smile again at the memory of the tall leggy blonde who made my sophomore year one of the best years of my life.

 

 

 

 

 

No trip down memory lane would be complete without the accompanying embarrassing photos of my childhood, so I dug these out of the digital archives today. Wow, I feel old.

 

That's Amy's senior high school photo. (Above)

 

 

 

This next photo was Easter of 1992, standing beside her mothers house. God I had some hair back then. lol. Amy of course was as good looking as ever.

 

Note: It should be noted that of all the people graduating Manteo High, Amy was one of those who I always knew would do exactly as she always dreamed. Since leaving school, she went through College earning top grades, and moved into the field of Veterinary science. As of this year she's finally opening her own veterinary practice. She's always excelled at whatever she put her mind to.

 

One day, if she ever decides to search across google and reads this, I hope she'll be proud of all she's accomplished and I hope she'll remember her first prom with a smile. (And as the year when Allen Bush took Miyuki to prom with spinach in his teeth! GOD he was so mad about that when he got his prom pictures back! lol

 

I've always stayed in touch with her progress over the years and she's done a lot to be proud of. 

 

Well, that's the end of my journey down memory lane for now. I've spent WAY too long on this as it is and I need to shower so I can get ready to cook dinner and clean the house.

Until next time.

 

 

 

PS: The whole point of this was to show you the picture of the new shop we setup. lol. I never even got around to that. See below. lol.

DSCN0918

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Why I keep telling people not to pirate software. (Ron Ayers Motorsports and the BSA)

piratedsoftwarevd7 I can't tell you how many times I've told friends, family, and professionals in the last two years about the dangers of piracy. The days of borrowing your friend's copy of Window 98 are over. The days of installing a friend's computer game on your PC and playing online are over. And most importantly, the days of downloading illegal hacks of software because you can't afford the real program are over!

 

I've had friends recently who have called me with a triumphant note in their voice, saying to me "HA! I got a new working copy of Microsoft Vista!" (Or XP, or Office, or Photoshop, etc ad infinitum). I usually shake my head and warn them to be careful, only to be told "No man. It works fine. I got it to activate and everything!"

 

I'd like to take them all down to a local Greenville business and let them ask Ron Ayers how confident their IT staff felt about it when they got busted last week for running illegal copies of software and were forced to pay a  $72,000 fine and then were forced to purchase legitimate copies of the software on top of that already huge bill from the piracy police!

 

The BSA (Business Software Alliance) published an article a few days back about the bust. The highlights are as follows:

 

The Business Software Alliance (BSA) today announced that Ron Ayers Motorsports (www.ronayers.com), a motor sports superstore and equipment supplier, headquartered in Greenville, NC, agreed to pay $72,053 to BSA to settle claims that it had unlicensed copies of Adobe and Microsoft software on its computers. In addition to the payment, the company agreed to delete all unlicensed copies of software installed on its computers, acquire any necessary replacement licenses and commit to implementing stronger software license management practices.

 

Thirty-five percent of the software installed in 2006 on PCs worldwide was installed without legal licenses, amounting to nearly $40 billion in global losses because of software piracy.  An independent study shows that 21 percent of software in the United States is unlicensed.*    

 

(For the full article, click here)

 

Let me see if I can explain some of how the new world of software programming works, using a few clearly identified ground rules for a baseline:

  1. YOU are not smarter than the entire engineering staff of Microsoft, Adobe, or whomever, regardless of what you think of your bittorrent skills.
  2. The Internet is a requirement for most people and most software in today's digital world.
  3. Your hacked software IS going to eventually rat you out, even if your "friends" don't,

Regardless of your love or disdain for Microsoft as a company, let's agree that they have collectively created one of the most advanced pieces of software in the history of the world (The Windows Operating System). In recent years companies like Microsoft have been losing hundreds of millions of dollars annually due to people who are downloading pirated copies of their software. Doesn't it follow that they would take every step they can in order to catch people who are installing illegal copies of their programs? It's not like it amounts to five thousand dollars a year, in which case they would just likely not even notice, but when you put a dent of a few hundred million in someone's pocket, they feel it!

 

How is this accomplished?

First and foremost, software piracy is reported through the Internet by your own computer reporting on you.  Years back, Microsoft incorporated a program called WGA, which stands for Windows Genuine Validation. Microsoft got tired of getting screwed over by the general population of Internet users, so they instituted the WGA policy. Basically, before you can get any more updates beyond a certain date, you had to download the WGA application update first. This little program simply loads itself, checks to make sure the serial key you have on your computer matches the one you have registered on Microsoft's web site, and checks to be sure that your key hasn't been reported as stolen or pirated. In layman's terms, it creates a unique fingerprint of you and passes that fingerprint off to the Microsoft database. Each and every time you come to get a new update for Windows, or try to download an office template for MS Word, or try to update your browser, your fingerprint is compared again.

 

Maybe you're one of these people who have a new hacked copy and you can update just fine! That's great! Awesome! Now you can go get updates to your system and no one will ever catch you!!! Yeah, not really...  If you consider it like a fingerprint, it's really an easy analogy to follow. Again, let me remind you Microsoft isn't stupid.(Greedy, overzealous, self-righteous, monopolizing capitalists maybe... but never stupid.) When five thousand people show up to the same store (read as windows update web site) and all five thousand people try to use the same fingerprint, alarms start to go off. No one comes out to arrest you. No one screams FREEZE. Nothing happens that you are aware of. All right! You got away with it again!

 

What you aren't aware of is that Microsoft puts your fingerprint in a database of "suspected fakes" and starts to track it. It's really simple to do. Let's assume that Microsoft (this works for Adobe too) releases a new patch on Tuesday. A normal user would login sometime that week through the Automatic Update feature, have their fingerprint scanned, and then be authorized to get the download. However, anytime the same download gets applied to the same fingerprint over five thousand times in the same week, something is wrong! (Remember, you got your hacked copy from a friend, co-worker, Internet site, etc. Now you ALL have the same fingerprint, but different IDs, so once ALL of you download the same patch, they know something is wrong.)

What happens in the real world when a crime is believed to be in progress? An  investigation is started, much the same as in the digital world. Microsoft doesn't have the time, patience, or the desire to track you down and come to your door; this is true. However don't think for a moment that it can't happen. Just like with a real-world investigation, the judge doesn't do the leg work. He has cops, lawyers, bounty hunters, and others for that. Microsoft and these other companies who spend hundreds of millions making software do too!

 

There are companies out there who make a percentage of the profits for catching you running pirated software. Microsoft doesn't chase you down themselves. They DO however pass over the information to one of these companies, and let them run with it. Let's assume that your pirated software is Microsoft Windows, retailing for about $180.00. Five thousand people who have all stolen the same copy equates to about nine-hundred thousand dollars! (That's almost a million dollars Microsoft lost JUST on the ONE pirated copy that got stolen from ECU a few years back! I worked for a computer IT company at the time and I literally had HUNDREDS of people come in with the same cd-key and try to tell me it was theirs they purchased but they lost their original disc!) Now, let's assume I work for the BSA or other organization. I simply call Microsoft and say "Hey guys. I'll make you a deal. I'll go investigate and collect your money for you. In exchange I want 20% of whatever I can recover in fines. Deal? Cool!"

 

Now you have a private company (who is ALSO smarter than you) with a vested interest in tracking you down and carrying you to court for the fines you owe to Microsoft, Adobe, and others. In the end, what happens? Ask the guys at Ron Ayers what happens. Seventy-two thousand dollars later, with your name all over the paper, and after having to fire your entire IT staff, you STILL have to hire new employees, buy new software, and deal with annual audits for the rest of your life to make sure you haven't done it again!

 

To those of you out there who are geeks: Don't flame me with emails telling me I'm an idiot. I KNOW very well this isn't the actual method instituted to track software piracy. I'm trying to make an analogy that my regular readers can understand, in simple terms, minus all the jargon.

 

How do you protect yourself against piracy?

Well, I'm not going to give away all my trade secrets for free. After all, I do run an IT company that needs to turn a profit. If you think you're in danger of being caught for pirated software then you probably are. You can easily Google the word "Software auditing program" and try some programs for yourself. If you are a business owner out there, or work for a company you feel might get caught, I would be delighted to help you audit your software inventory. Does this mean I will call the police and tell them you're running illegal software? No. I work for my client, which is you or your company. My job and my liability end with me reporting to you which programs are or are not compliant. It's up to YOU to contact the proper people and purchase legitimate software.

 

What if I'm already running pirated software?

If you know already that you're running illegal copies of software, you can purchase the legitimate copes for a discounted price and have your "keys" changed to reflect the new licenses, which will make you legitimate. Again, this is something you can try to do yourself, but I would definitely see about contracting someone who knows what they are doing before relying on it for your business. If you want professional assistance, check out the official work web site: www.twnetworx.com

 

 

If you find this article useful, please Digg it. If you have questions or comments or want to know more, leave a comment and I'll answer it online.