Sunday, March 27, 2005

These are so funny

These are the Monday Morning Punch Lines from Bob 93.3 PUNCHLINE ARCHIVE MUST BE 18 TO VIEW THIS PAGE Seriously, if you're a kid-don't even bother. Your Mom and Dad dont want you to know this kind of humor, and we don't feel like having them mad at us. 3/22/2005-Why does everyone think JACKO is guilty? ASK FLAVE 3/14/2005-What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room together? ANSWER-100 people who don't do dick. 3/8/2005- What did the egg say to the pot of boiling water? ANSWER- ASK FLAVE 2/28/2005-Why didn't Barbie ever get pregnant? ANSWER- ASK FLAVE 2/21/2005-What's the difference between a tampon and a cowboy hat? ANSWER-Cowboy hats are for assholes! 2/14/2005-How can you tell a blonde is having a bad day? ANSWER-THERE'S A TAMPON BEHIND HER EAR AND SHE CAN'T FIND A PENCIL! 2/07/2005-What do you get when you cross a rooster and a telephone pole? ANSWER- ASK JAMIE 1/31/2005-What do a washed up boxer and Dracula's girlfriend have in common? ANSWER-THEY BOTH GO DOWN FOR THE COUNT! 1/24/2005-What's the difference between a blonde and a washing machine? ANSWER- ASK FLAVE FOR THE ANSWER 1/17/2005-What's worse than a cardboard box?? ANSWER-PAPER TITS! 1/10/2005-How do you embarrass an archaeologist? ANSWER-HAND HIM A TAMPON AND ASK HIM TO IDENTIFY WHAT PERIOD IT CAME FROM! 1/3/2005-Why did the blonde have lipstick on the steering wheel? ANSWER-BECAUSE SHE WAS TRYING TO BLOW THE HORN! 12/20/2004-What do you get when you cross a pickle and a reindeer? ANSWER-A DILL DOE! bonus punchline... Why doesn't Santa Claus have any Children? ASK JAMIE 12/13/2004-Why was Frosty the Snowman smiling? ANSWER-BECAUSE HE HEARD THE SNOWBLOWER WAS COMING! 11/22/2004-Why did the redneck cross the road? ANSWER-BECAUSE HIS D___ WAS STUCK IN THE CHICKEN! 11/15/2004- HOW DO YOU MAKE MARTHA STEWART SCREAM TWICE? EMAIL FLAVE 11/8/2004-How do you make a cat drink???? ANSWER-PUT IT IN THE BLENDER AND EXTRACT THE FUR! 11/1/2004-What's good on a pizza, but BAD on a woman? ANSWER-CRUST!!! 10/25/2004-What's white and 14 inches long? ANSWER-ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!! 10/17/2004- When is a gnome not a gnome? When his head is up a fairy's dress, then he's a goblin! 10/11/2004- Happy Columbus Day! What do you do if you come across a tiger in the woods? ANSWER-WIPE HIM OFF, APOLOGIZE, AND RUN LIKE HELL! 10/4/2004- WHAT DO COWPIES AND COWGIRLS HAVE IN COMMON? THE OLDER THEY GET THE EASIER THEY ARE TO PICK UP 9/27/2004- WHY DO HUNTERS MAKE GOOD LOVERS? BECAUSE THEY GO DEEP IN THE BUSH, SHOOT TWICE, AND EAT EVERYTHING THEY SHOOT!> 9/20/2004-What's the difference between your WIFE and your JOB? ANSWER-After 5 years your JOB will still suck! 9/13/2004-What's the difference between a pick-pocket and a peeping Tom? ANSWER=ONE SNATCHES YOUR WATCH, THE OTHER WATCHES YOUR SNATCH! 9/7/2004-What's the difference between MEAT and FISH? ANSWER-MEN DON'T BEAT THEIR FISH!!> 8/30/2004-What do you call a beer bottle filled with bees? ANSWER-A REDNECK VIBRATOR! 8/22/2004-Why are men like pantyhose? ANSWER-Because they either run, cling, or don't fit right in the crotch! 8/16/2004-What's brown and has holes? ANSWER-SWISS SHIT! 8/9/2004-How can you tell if a mechanic just got lucky? ANSWER-One of his fingers is clean! 8/2/2004-What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann with the Pillsbury Dough Boy? ANSWER-A red-headed bitch with a yeast infection! 7/26/2004- What's a Yankee? ANSWER-Same thing as a quickie, but he can do it alone! 7/19/2004-How many perverts does it take to screw in a lightbulb? ANSWER-Just 1, but it takes the entire emergency room to get it out! 7/12/2004-Why can't FLAVE have a threesome? ANSWER-Because all he'll do is disapoint 2 women instead of one! 6/28/2004-What do you call a 350 pound stripper in Jacksonville? ANSWER-BROKE! 6/21/2004-What do you do when you see a man running in circles?? ANSWER- EMAIL JAMIE AND SHE'LL GIVE YOU THE ANSWER! 6/14/2004-Why can't Frankenstein have sex? ANSWER-Because his nutz are on his neck 6/7/2004-How do you spot a blind man at a nudist camp? ANSWER-IT ISN'T HARD 6/2/2004-What's the difference between MEDIUM and RARE? ANSWER-6 INCHES IS MEDIUM AND 8 INCHES IS RARE! 5/24/2004-Why hasn't a woman been to the Moon yet? ANSWER-BECAUSE IT DOESN'T NEED TO BE CLEANED! *Remember- We don't write 'em, and we don't endorse 'em....* 5/17/2004-What do you do if an Elephant COMES through your window?? ANSWER-SWIM!!!!!!!!! 5/3/2004-Why did the bald man cut holes in his pockets? ANSWER-SO HE COULD RUN HIS FINGERS THROUGH HIS HAIR 4/26/2004-What's old and wrinkly and smells like ginger? ANSWER-GILLIGANS FACE! 4/19/2004-What's the difference between OOOOOH and AHHHH? ANSWER-About 3 inches! 4/12/2004-What can lifesavers do that a man can't? ANSWER- Come in 8 different flavors!! 4/6/2004-What 2 things in the air can make a woman pregnant? ANSWER-Her Feet 3/29/2004-Why did GOD create MAN? ANSWER-Because a VIBRATOR can't mow the lawn! 3/22/2004-What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? ANSWER- Slow down and use a lubricant! 3/15/2004- What do men and cars have in common? ANSWER-THEY BOTH PULL OUT BEFORE CHECKING TO SEE IF ANYONE ELSE IS TRYING TO COME! 3/9/2004-Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70? ANSWER-BECAUSE A FROG GETS STUCK IN HER THROAT AT 69!! 3/1/2004- How does a redneck find a sheep in tall grass? Answer-VERY SATISFYING!! The Monday Morning Mystery Punchline...2/23/2004 How many men does it take to open a beer? ANSWER- NONE, IT SHOULD ALREADY BE OPEN WHEN THE WOMEN BRINGS IT TO HIM!! The Monday Morning Mystery Punchline...2/16/2004 What is a 6.9? ANSWER- A 69 INTERRUPTED BY A PERIOD! The Monday Morning Mystery Punchline...2/9/2004 What are the 3 words you don't want to hear while making love?? ANSWER- "HONEY, I'M HOME!" The Monday Morning Mystery Punchline....2/02/2004 Who invented the first Soda? ANSWER- Adam-he made "eve's cherry pop"! The Monday Morning Mystery Punchline...1/19/2004 WHAT'S GREEN AND SMELLS LIKE PORK?? ANSWER-Kermits Finger!!! The Monday Morning Mystery Punchline....1/12/2004 WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BLONDE AND AN IRONING BOARD? ANSWER-An ironing boards legs are harder to get open! The Monday Morning Mystery Punchline....1/5/2004 WHAT'S TRAGIC ABOUT 4 TERRORISTS GOING OVER A CLIFF IN A CADILAAC? ANSWER- A CADILAAC SEATS 7! The Monday Morning Mystery Punchline...12/22/03 WHAT DO MICHAEL JACKSON AND SADDAM HUSSEIN HAVE IN COMMON??? ANSWER-THEY BOTH LIKE TO SQUEEZE INTO SMALL HOLES!! The Monday Morning Mystery Punchline...12/15/03 HOW DO YOU CIRCUMSIZE A REDNECK?? ANSWER- Kick his sister in the jaw!! The Monday Morning Mystery Punchline...12/08/03 HOW DO YOU TURN A FRUIT INTO A VEGETABLE? Put him in a cage with a tiger!!! The Monday Morning Mystery Punchline...12/01/03 HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO SCREW IN A LIGHTBULB? ANSWER- 5..ONE TO DO IT..AND 4 TO SIT AROUND AND LISTEN TO HIM BRAG ABOUT IT!!

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